MY STORY (The Short Version)
I remember feeling "healthy" was hard. I lived a lifestyle where I worked out everyday for one to two hours, counted calories, used laxatives, drank diet sodas and bought "low-calorie" foods. I also struggled with bulimia and intermittent times of starvation for over five years, desperately trying to achieve the weight I just KNEW would make me happy, confident and desireable. Most of my days I spent "in my head", obsessing over what I could or couldn't eat and how many calories I needed to burn at my next workout. Along with taking anti-depressants, struggling with insomnia, having no energy and not pooping, I was also dealing (or rather not dealing) with my mom's death at he young age of 45 from breast cancer. Needless to say, I was a "hot mess". Consumed by the quest to be thin and beautiful, I was in my late 20's and making no headway to happiness. I soon began to realize that more than a number on the scale, I wanted to feel good, love my body and spend more time making a difference rather than obsessing about food, exercise and how unhappy I was with my body. What's the point of being thin if you feel like poo? The picture above was taken at the time I was at the height of my obsessive behavior. I was puffy, pudgy and weighed 20 pounds more than what I weigh today. (By the way, I don't weigh myself anymore and only know my weight because I was weighed at my prenatal appointments.) I couldn't believe that even at the beginning of my pregnancy, I had released that much weight since I had stopped obsessing, restricting, excessively exercising, weighing myself and counting calories. Everyday I am thankful that I no longer live in the bondage of my past life, searching for happiness and purpose in a number or size.